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How to Safely Break Up with an Abuser

If you have recognized that your partner is unhealthy or abusive, you may be wondering how to move forward and end the relationship safely. Leaving any relationship can be tough, and ending an abusive relationship can also be dangerous. It is important to be thoughtful and cautious about how and when you end it, while taking care of yourself in the process.

First, it’s important to understand why it’s important to leave.

People who are abused tend to minimize the abuse. Your partner probably told you that the abuse was not that bad or that you were overreacting. And, in time, you probably started to believe them. Now that you are ending the relationship, it is helpful to have an accurate picture of what was happening in your relationship.

Remember that abuse does not have to be physical. It is frequently emotional or psychological. It often involves manipulation, name-calling, intimidation, and control.

Your partner may be trying to romance you now, to convince you to stay. But you have likely been through that cycle before. You have probably seen first-hand that they will promise lots of things that they will never deliver, or that the changes will be temporary. Unless your partner has taken serious steps to get help and change, the abuse will continue.
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How to Get Out Safely

It is hard to admit that someone is hurting or controlling you – especially when it’s someone you love. But, if you are being abused, you are not alone. At least one in three women has been abused by a current or former partner. And while it can be hard to admit, you have to know that you deserve better. You deserve to be safe and truly loved.

But, even after you’ve realized your relationship is not healthy, taking the step to leave can be scary, and possibly dangerous.

Your partner may feel like his control is being threatened, and may try to manipulate you with gifts or extra kindness, or scare you with threats or violence. It is important that you trust your instincts, and reach out for help if you feel you may be in danger. And when you are ready to leave, here are a few ways to help you get out safely.

Toxic Relationship Quiz

If you are in a new relationship, you may be wondering whether your new partner is the right person for you. Or you may have been in a relationship for a while, but you’re starting to notice some concerning behavior or red flags. If you are wondering whether your partner may be toxic or abusive, here are a few questions to help you decide. Remember, be completely honest with your answers, and do not overthink them.

Your first instinct is usually the answer to go with. And no one has to see your responses except you. Grab a pen and paper and get ready.

How to Spot an Abuser on the First Date

We hear and read stories of men abusing the women they claim to care about all the time. We may have even seen abuse in our own families, communities – or experienced it in our own lives. People often wonder how a woman could ever fall in love with an abusive man. We often ask, “How did she not know?” But, the fact is that abusers are not hitting someone on the first date. In fact, they can often hide their abusive tendencies for a long time – as long as they believe they need to.

Abusive men tend to be very charming and kind in the beginning of the relationship. They overplay positive characteristics. They seem extremely interested in their date’s interests, family, friends, and hobbies. They are charismatic, kind, and respectful.

An abusive partner will eventually start to control who you speak to, what you wear, what you do with your free time, and how you behave.

They will want to commit quickly, so they can have more control over your life. They will tell you the abuse is your fault and that they will change if you just love them more, behave better, or do something differently – all of which is manipulation. But, these signs often are not present in the very beginning. Abusers know how to be charming. They know how to play the role of a caring partner.

But, there is one personality trait that may help you identify an abuser sooner. In fact, you may even be able to spot this trait on the very first date.

When You Love a Broken Man

If you are in a relationship with someone who had a difficult past, you probably feel compassion for them and all they have had to overcome. Their difficult past may include childhood trauma or abuse, abandonment, a serious illness, infidelity by a former partner, military service and combat, or any other form of trauma. There is no doubt that these types of trials will inevitably shaped a person’s personality and outlook on life.

They also often impact how someone interacts with the world, including their significant other.

Many women who are more emotional or empathetic are often drawn to people who are experiencing pain, or who have overcome adversity. Your sensitive nature makes you a natural caregiver, and may draw you to people who you feel may need your compassion.

You may try to “rescue” someone who you see as broken and in need, when in fact, your partner may actually be focused only on their well-being. The problem is that men who feel entitled to have control in the relationship, or who are narcissistic, are also drawn to compassionate women. This attraction between an empath and a narcissistic is not only confusing and codependent, it can be very dangerous.

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