For some, Valentine’s Day is filled with gifts, love, and appreciation. And for some, it’s filled with
sadness, and thoughts of all they are missing. For some, this is a day of constant disappointment,
wishing someone would love and appreciate them, or show them the kind of love they show everyone
These feelings can be crushing. Anxiety leading up to Valentine’s Day, sadness on the day, and having to
pull yourself up out of that despair the next day can be exhausting. It seems silly that a simple day on
the calendar can cause so much angst and pain. But, whether or not you celebrate Valentine’s Day, the
desire to feel loved and appreciated is real, every day. On this day, it is magnified, as we’re bombarded
with images of happy couples and what we believe we “should” have. And if you are in a relationship
with someone who doesn’t appreciate you, or trying to recover after ending an unhealthy relationship,
this day may be even more painful for you. But, it doesn’t have to be.
The fact is that most pain on this day comes from a feeling of lack – feeling like you don’t have enough
love, attention, affection, and appreciation in your life. You may feel resentful and exhausted because
everything you do goes unnoticed, and it seems that no one truly recognizes all of your efforts. Not
having someone shower you with gifts and compliments may make you feel like you don’t matter.
These thoughts and worries are completely normal and natural. But, here’s the great part: You can
choose a different thought. And you can absolutely choose to have all the love and appreciation you
need, no matter who else in your life chooses to show it. You can feel completely fulfilled, appreciated,
and loved this Valentine’s Day – and every day – simply by showing yourself more love.
- Do something you love. Make a real effort today to do at least one thing that you absolutely
love to do. Try to make it something that has nothing to do with your partner, children, or
anyone else. Let it be something that truly lights you up and makes you feel joyful. If you don’t
know what that would be, think about what you loved to do when you were a child. Maybe you
loved to draw, sing, play outside, or dance. Spending just a few minutes doing an activity you
love can lift your spirits, and help you feel whole and joyful. And those are probably the exact
feelings you would want for someone you love.
- Be selfish. The term “selfish” has received such a negative connotation, when in fact, it’s not a
bad thing at all. To be selfish just means to focus on yourself, on what you need, and on what
makes you feel good. This only becomes a problem if you focus on yourself despite the feelings
of others. But, choosing to take care of yourself at least as much as you care for others is not
wrong – in fact, it’s necessary. If we don’t sometimes focus on ourselves and on giving ourselves
the time and attention we need we will be left feeling resentful, and unloved. Just a few
moments of focusing on your own feelings and needs can make you feel that you already have
the love you thought you were missing.
- Write a love letter to yourself. It may sound odd, but it works. Fill this letter with all the great
things about you. Thank yourself for all that you do. Tell yourself how kind, caring, talented,
gorgeous, and magnificent you are. If you don’t yet believe these things about yourself, write
what you wish someone else would say to you. No one else has to read it. After all, it’s a letter
for you. You’ll soon realize that you do not have to wait for anyone else to tell you how
incredible you are or to show you love – you can do this for yourself any time you want.
Self-love is essential to being truly happy and fulfilled. But, of course, everyone would rather have love
from others, too – especially from a significant other. But, focusing on what you believe you are lacking
will never bring that love into your life. Instead, focus on filling yourself up with love, so that you are
completely whole and joyful on your own. Then, you’ll be amazed at how much love you attract from
Remember, you deserve the love you would give to someone else – on Valentine’s Day, and every day.